|It feels a little strange not seeing new things every day! I am quite anxious to get back on the road.
At the moment we are thinking of perhaps buying our own campground. Trev has always wanted to do something with Bar None, a piece of land that we own in South Africa but I refuse to budge from the United States for more than a few months at a time. Apparently a few months would not be sufficient time to create what Trev has in mind. Now that we are considering the campground idea Trev feels he can implement a lot of his ideas there.I am hoping that it will help him feel more settled here.
It may seem silly that we struggle with our feelings about living here, still after 5 years. Trev has more of a hard time than I do. My friend Riette said it perfectly when she said that it's a struggle between then heart and the mind. Trev and I are not very pragmatic. We don't always make decisions based on what the logical thing to do is.
Moving to America was the smartest move we made and thats mostly because financially it was a necessity but it did create a sense of displacement that has been hard to shrug off.
Yes, I love America. I love the freedom, I love the 65 varieties of cheese, I love the holidays like halloween when you get together with the neighbours and chuckle at the kids in their costumes, I love the Christmas lights, I love 911....so many things I love about America.There are things I do not love. I do not love the way men are degraded on TV sitcoms and I do not love the fascination with celebrities. I definately do not love doing my own house work!
But our ambivalence is not about america at all. It's about not being home. It's about not watching my nephews grow up, not being at mom Roberts' side during the first year after dad died, not seeing Katie on her birthday in the dress that Shan had outgrown, not being able to go to my grans 90th birthday or my mom's wedding, not spending time with my friend Riette who has finally got time on her hands.
I often wonder how other immigrants have felt/feel. Some that I have spoken to tell me they've never looked back and others say that would move back tomorrow if only... Trev is afraid that he's one of the ones who'll always have it in his heart to go home.
I am hoping that a campground, a new BarNone, will help him to feel more like he's home.