|Lucy, you know I love you I really do, and I think we both know that I would have been beaten up on many an occasion in The Feathers, Chicagos and in fact Lloyds, had it not been for your intervention, but since leaving you for pastures new, it would seem that I am having a great deal more fun without you:
Cat Ba Island
Following the hit and run of the toddler, who by the way came away from the whole ordeal fairly unscathed (although I'm hoping, a lot wiser), these blokes asked me if I would like to join them for a drink, after seeing me sitting down for dinner alone. Being the, lets face it, unacceptably antisocial person that I am, I said "no thankyou".
Forgetting that I was meant to be "mixing it up" and realising the complete error of my ways, I called after them that I would join them for a drink after I had eaten. On reflection this may have made me look a little desperate, but anyway, I did join them and initially there were fairly long periods of absolutely pathetic conversation and akward silences, but we subsequently enjoyed a very pleasant evening of beer drinking (Tiger Beer, no less) together. They turned out to be Israeli and all extremely argumentative - leading to relatively lengthy discussions about the usual topics of religion and politics - I don't know a thing about politics, so I just kept mentioning Tony Blair every time there was a lull in the conversation! And so, the evening was very entertaining, consisting mainly of getting drunk and "mass-debating".
The next day was spent on my newly hired moped, which I later discovered had gears (what is that all about, I didn't realise motorbikes had gears? - when in doubt, stay in 3rd!). I managed to navigate my way around the whole island, I-pod on and generally enjoying the sights and scenery. This experience was made all the more enjoyable without the likes of Lucy screaming in my ear to slow down or alternatively giving it: "are we there yet?". The island itself is very beautifull, but has mainly muddy beaches, so the main sights are the winding roads that go up through the mountains and around the island.
The following day was spent sat next to THE most annoying person in the whole entire world on the boat journey to Hai Phong. It didn't help matters that he had a bogey hanging out of his nose the whole time and a very irritating canadian accent, with which he insisted on talking to me about the bollocks that is his life story.....which to be honest, I couldn't give a tiny rats ass about! I managed to block out his mindless drone by turning the volume up on my I-pod and pretended to fall asleep. I draw the line at "mixing it up" with tossers.
The boat arrived at Hai Phong harbour mid afternoon and having missed the damn bus to Ninh Binh, I got a boy on a moped to drop me off at a hotel. He subsequently persuaded me to let him take me on a tour of the city, which I have decided is definately the best way to travel in busy places, despite me fearing for my life the entire time as he was weaving in and out of traffic far too fast for my liking. He did show me the sights of the city, but to be honest, being unable to speak a word of english made him a fairly wank "guide". Hai Phong is exactly the same as Hanoi, but a lot more industrial as it is one of Vietnams main shipping ports and it is generally a bit skanky and dirty.
Luckily I lived through the moped experience and ended up having the most bizaare night of my life - I was walking around looking for the internet, when after not being able to find it, I asked these three blokes in a camera shop. They said there wasn't one anywhere near, but I could use theirs if I wanted to. By the end of the evening we had polished of a bottle of vietnamese rice wine (which was equally as discusting and strong as Absynth) and eaten a load of lamb wrapped in banana leaves. Very odd evening, but their english was of a respectable level, so we managed quite a few conversations and I got hammered for free, so can't complain!
Anyway, I am sitting in a mosquito infested internet cafe at the moment with a teenage boy sitting next to me, constantly blowing smoke in my face and playing a game on his computer that looks to me like a game of "The Little Mermaid". Um......I think we both know where he will be sticking his winky in future!
P.s. Lucy i haven't heard from you in a while, you're not dead are you?