KL, and review of Meet the Spartans
Feb 8, 2008
|Meet the Spartans Nick writing
I know that this is a travelogue, and that most of you are following along with ideas of reading about our travels and such, and that a movie review doesn't really fit into that idea. But every now and then you see a movie that ... moves you to such a degree that you feel the need to talk about it with as many people as possible.
Meet the Spartans, for those of you lucky enough to not have seen it, is a comedy mocking the movie 300, which was about the Spartan army's battles in some far off, computer-generated landscape. Actually, change "comedy mocking" above into "mock comedy", and that's a pretty apt description of the movie.
It was bad. Not horrendously, funny bad, but in more of a "completely inconsequential bad" kind of way. It felt as if the thirty writers had all gathered around one morning and pulled current late night talk show topics out of a hat. "Cool!" one would say, "I pulled Sanjaya from American Idol!", and would then scurry off to some dark hole to write a 30 second gag involving his topic. "Damn!" another would say, "I pulled sub-prime loans." The movie was treading dangerous water by trying to be so topical - it was entirely possible that it could be out-of-date even before it was written.
The writers would have each be stearnly warned, "Remember - keep it topical, keep it simple, try and occasionally involve the half-naked Greek warriors of the title, and maybe work in a fart gag or two". After each 30 second gag had been written for the approximately 120 topics, some poor unlucky "head" writer (who had been chosen simply because of his height, and the fact that he was away that day) had the unenviable task of trying to stitch them together into a movie.
Note the math. 120 topics. 30 seconds. And no, there was no filler. That equals 60 minutes, which was exactly how long the movie lasted. 60 freaking minutes. I don't think the Malaysian censors cut that much, which would make this the shortest feature release in history, I believe. I remember some of those "Very Special Episode"s of Family Ties and Webster that were longer than Meet the Spartans.
Which might not be a bad thing. It was a weird kind of dichotomy - wishing that we had gotten more for our 3 dollars Canadian, but also wishing that the movie had been even shorter.
I guess the best thing about the movie is its general inconsequentiality (if that's not a word, I vote that it is, and that Meet the Spartans is adopted as its definition in the Oxford). Its badness won't linger for years, like Gigli or Town and Country. It will simply disappear to the back of DVD rental places everywhere, never to be watched again. Most likely it will sit on a shelf right beside Scary Movie.
Meet the Spartans - Kyla writing
I will never admit to having watched this film with Nick! 60 minutes of my life watching such crap in a foreign city is far too pathetic for me to admit to.